This is day 5 that I have been wide awake by 3 am. I am getting really, really tired of it; no pun intended. What to do at 3 am? Not a lot. I did squish a spider that was on my ceiling. This seems to be a daily occurrence for the last couple of weeks as the weather in Michigan gets warmer. You would be impressed with what I can do with one leg, a scooter, and a can of Aussie Freeze hairspray.
The anxiety and panic has let up, and I have been diligent about taking my meds if I even think I feel a panic attack coming on. The days are still so very long for me though.
My Doctor’s appointment at week 5 went well. I was not as anxious this time when leaving the house (fear of falling, getting injured more, etc). The surgeon said two more weeks of non-weight-bearing on the ankle, as there are still 2 cracks that have not completely healed. I go back in two weeks, and he said we talk weight bearing. He said normally 3 weeks after weight bearing, we discuss driving! I could have cried, I was so happy to hear this, and began to see a tiny pinhole of light at the end of the tunnel. I have been exercising my broken ankle and leg, as well as being as mobile as possible in my house.
I have been reading, and writing! I will have book reviews one after another very soon! The lack of sunshine has been especially tough for me, as it is every Winter. The weather says sunshine this afternoon, and I have fingers crossed that that does not change. Sunshine = feeling good and motivated. It is difficult for me to be motivated when it is grey and rainy and there seems to be nothing for me to do other than crawl under my covers and binge watch NetFlix. The Pinkertons, anyone? I wish it was not such a short series…
The praying and Bible study is continuing, of course. I try not to think too much about the fact that it is the Easter season, my favorite Christian holiday season, and I cannot participate as I would any other year. But I can participate in other ways, which is exactly what I am doing!
Seeing all of the brown grass and dead leaves in my yard has me thinking about flower beds for my yard, and I am so excited for when I can start digging in the ground and planting. Having something to look forward to definitely helps. My number 1 on my list is walking out my door, getting in my vehicle, and driving to work! I know that day is coming, and one day I will look back on this period in my life and reflect on what it has taught me. No matter how I feel, I absolutely try to do at least one positive thing each day, so as not to waste any of this learning lesson I am experiencing right now. I truly know this has happened for a reason, and I want to make sure I utilize every moment of it to get out of it what God has intended. My daily prayers always include asking God to let me see in my heart and spirit what it is I am meant to learn from this, so I can continue to grow.
Have you had a period in your life where you were meant to grow from what appeared to be a negative situation? How did it change you? I cannot wait to see all the ways my experience has and will continue to change me. I would love to hear your stories as well!
booksandopinions.com 
I know what you mean about lack of sunshine. I got my brother to give me a sunshine lamp for Christmas. It’s supposed to be good at combating S A D. And I must say it does perk me up. You don’t use it for very long. Which is just as well as the light is so fiercely bright it gave me a headache at first. I still haven’t found an optimum placement for it, so that it shines on my face for the required time, but doesn’t make me squint. As most of my daytime is spend reading or working on the computer squinting ain’t helpful.
So glad to hear that you’re feeling better in yourself. And well done for making yourself be positive. It’s not easy. Especially in the gloomy days of winter.
When I complained to my doctor about insomnia he said ‘do something, don’t just lie there.’ So I read. And hope to fall asleep over my Kindle …
Spring’s coming! Hang on in there.
Thanks for sharing Judi! After about 20 minutes I do get up and get dressed for the day and make coffee. I have dealt with S A D for several years, and really do need to look into a lamp! Spring is almost here!
I find grey winter days depressing too, but March is the beginning of the end. Hello spring 🙂
So glad you’re check up went well. I’m already imagining you driving off in the sunshine 🙂
I particularly like this, …”No matter how I feel, I absolutely try to do at least one positive thing each day…My daily prayers always include asking God to let me see in my heart and spirit what it is I am meant to learn from this, so I can continue to grow.”
That is actually my Lenten project each year – to give something daily rather than give something up – and My daily prayers always thank God for my blessings. (And no, I’m not trying to be a saint) I am so happy you are improving, and I will keep you in my prayers. If you are interested in my new book of poetry about live and feelings, lmk. I love to share!
Thanks for sharing Sherill! I would love to read your poetry!
Email address? Will have sent from amazon.
My email is sherrillcannon@aol.com if you prefer
Booksandopinions@gmail.com
Sent from amazon
Enjoyed your post. Sorry to hear about the spider, tho (kind of fond of them). Glad you’re doing better. I hear what you’re saying about growing from a negative situation: I truly believe that’s what I’m currently going through. It’s been a struggle, but I hope to come out a winner. God bless!
This took me back to 2014 and the total reconstruction surgeries of my right foot. Hon, I remember it well, and I am impressed with how you’re handling things. Bible study and prayer are a big help, and a big sustaining influence. It will keep the depression days away. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide
you, and He will send just the right verse to encourage you, support you, and for you to meditate on. I often wake around four. Sometimes I can go back to sleep, and sometimes not. You are wise to not waste this time. When you get to be my age, you realize your time is your most valuable commodity, and you dare not throw it away! I am keeping you in my prayers, and since I have been through something very similar to what you’re going through, and also have some anxiety, I know how and what to pray for. Chin up; don’t look at the spiders unless they’re bad ones. One may be Charlotte.
I absolutely relate with all the things you posted. I have tried a few different things for the seasonal blues. Sometimes it is so hard to maintain positivity through the brain-fogginess. What I found helpful to do was just to travel more during winter time to warm sunny places. Also, another thing I tried was going Sugar Free for a few days to see if I feel any better. You can check out my reasons as of what, why and how I did it if you are interested here: https://passionforlotion.wordpress.com/2018/02/09/sugar-free-day-1/
Thanks for sharing Curiosity! Being basically travel restricted with a broken ankle, the best I can do for a few weeks yet is follow the sun as the light moves through the windows in my house 😊 I will definitely check out your blog as well!
Thanks! See you at my site & hope you recover soon and are able to travel!☀️☀️
I have suffered from depression and anxiety all my life, so some days walking out the door is a huge trial… I had a really rough patch a couple of years ago that almost lost me my man as well. Thinking positive is definitely a help (that I unfortunately haven’t quite grasped yet). My motivation was realizing how my issues were affecting others in my life.
I know that your problem is your foot, but it’s still a rude awakening to have to get back out into the world after being out of it for an extended period!! At least you chose a good time to have to hole up and by the time you get back out you will get to do all the things you seem to be looking forward to. That’s definitely what you need to continue doing, looking forward to things! It gives you a reason to wake up in the morning! …Just hopefully no longer at 3am!!
Thanks Bookworm! It has been a challenge, and again I was up at 3 am this morning. Felt great most of the day, and now I’m grouchy as the tiredness kicks in.
Ha ha! That just means you can get to bed early! ….although, not too early to wind up in a viscous cycle!!
I think squishing a spider is a full day’s work. I hate spiders; they really creep me out.
Me too! Especially when they are on my ceiling, or running across the foot of my comforter while I’m under it, and I can’t catch them. Usually my cats will track them and eat them (yuck!) but I think now they are just entertained watching me try to hobble around and get them!